He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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