He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
