I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
