they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
