I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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