I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
