Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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