What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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