it was like his penis was on wheels.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
