I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
