I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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