): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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