At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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