DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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