I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
