i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
