you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
