You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
