I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
