so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
