The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
