i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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