I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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