So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
