Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
