wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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