Cold hands, warm shart.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
