the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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