I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
