It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
