I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
