this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize