There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
