Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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