It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
