I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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