billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
