whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
