Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
