"it" just moved
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
