hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
