I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
