??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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