Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
