Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
