i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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