Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
