haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
