All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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