yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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