well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
