my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
