I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
be right there i have to get my cape
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
