Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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