sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's always time for handjobs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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