life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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