hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
