from now on my penis is your penis
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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