is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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