Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
