you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
