last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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