wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My cat gives me a boner
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
