like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
