I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
