I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
