I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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