FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
