All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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