ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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