yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
