i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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