Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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