I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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