Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
