why didn't you poke me back
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
