im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
