White coat. Heels.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
