All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
