like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
