forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
