Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize