"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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