umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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