I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
