so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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