If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
where am i from again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
