I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
